


Secret Obsessions

by Thorn



Category: Game Grumps
Genre: M/M, Oops, Possibly Triggering, Razzabang - Freeform, Self Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-21
Updated: 2014-08-30
Packaged: 2018-02-14 04:29:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 14,086
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2177952
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thorn/pseuds/Thorn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dan and Barry both have a secret they don't want the other to know.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Part the First

**Author's Note:**

> So i was trying to write a happy Dan/Barry story since we've had a lot of angst these last few days ( Kudos and love to Graasone) ... Well, then it got a bit weird.

Barry settled back on his bed with a sigh. It had been a long day of editing grumps and he was tired. He flicked through a few tabs on his laptop, catching up on the usual suspects, but he couldn’t seem to settle. His mind focused on the reason and he adjusted his jeans uncomfortably. He was desperately horny. With a guilty glance towards his bedroom door he considered his options. Dan was still hanging out at Arin and Suzy’s so he had the place to himself... He could indulge in his secret obsession and no one would be the wiser...  
Shaking his head to dismiss the guilty feelings that crowded in his mind every time he did this, he pulled up his secret music playlist. It was fine if he didn’t think about it too hard. Speaking of... Barry adjusted the pillows behind him and unzipped his pants, hitting play. His dick was at half mast but almost immediately sprang to life as Dan’s voice drifted out of the laptop speaker.  
Barry closed his eyes and settled back, making sure the laptop was to one side and wouldn’t fall. He pushed his boxers down with one hand and stoked slowly with the other. Warmth flushed through him as his roommates sensual voice drifted out, singing softly. He fucking loved the sound of Dan’s singing voice, especially when he harmonized on his songs. The smooth tones sent a lightning bolt of lust straight to his balls every single time he heard it. He could hide it pretty well for the most part but sometimes, like today, he just had to let it overtake him. Dan had been singing a lot during the episodes he’d been editing and Barry had been frantically trying to hide his erection every time someone came into the office.  
He sighed and leisurely stroked himself, trying to ignore the gnawing ache in his chest. He hated feeling like this, he knew he was straight, he knew Dan was straight. But that bastards voice did stuff to him he couldn’t explain. With a groan, he opened his eyes and turned the volume up. He could only do this if he drowned out his own inner voice. He settled back and smiled slightly as Dan’s voice worked its magic, stroking himself with pleasure.

**

Dan heard a familiar beat from the inside of his flat as he jiggled the keys in the lock. It wasn’t like Barry to play music at full volume, the guy was usually huddled under headphones, locked in his own little world. He shut the door and started to call out before he realised why the beat had been so familiar. It was one of his songs. He grinned, relishing the opportunity to tease Barry about being a fan and quickly made his way to Barry’s room. He heard a weird noise as he reached the door, almost like... no. Why would Barry be moaning? Throwing open the door with a flourish Dan started to say “Caught you!” but the words died in his throat as he took in the scene before him.  
Barry was stretched out on his bed, dick in hand, furiously jacking off in time with the music. Dan could feel his eyes widening as he assessed the situation. this was... weird. And so not cool. Barry’s eyes were shut and the music was so loud he must not have even heard the door opening. Dan’s gaze flicked from the laptop, to Barry’s dick and then very quickly up to Barry’s face. Unadulterated pleasure radiated from the younger man’s face as he let out another groan while Dan’s voice harmonized on the track. He... he really was jacking off to the sound of his voice. What the fuck?  
Panic seized him and he quickly pulled the door shut. Barry would die if he knew that Dan had seen this. Hell, Dan was feeling pretty much like having a heart attack himself. What the ever loving fuck was going on? Barry was straight! Dan looked around for a possible escape, glad that the music covered the sound of his roommates hand slicking up and down his ... Dan shook his head, ignoring the thought. He had to get the hell out of here.  
He fled the apartment and sat outside for a minute. How long would Barry be... occupied? What the hell would he say when he went back in? How could he look in his best friends face without thinking of him jacking off to his voice?  
Taking out his phone he flicked through his contacts. He could phone Suzy, she’d have good advice.... but that would be breaking all trust between him and Barry. Pulling a hand through his mass of hair he paced back and forth, trying to think of something to do. With a frustrated groan he realized there would only be one thing to do. He flicked back up his contact list and hit dial.

**

Barry heard a thump and opened his eyes, startled. Was that the door? He froze, heart pounding. After a few seconds with no further noise, he relaxed again. Just his imagination. He got back to the task at hand, pleasure building up again until he was almost at breaking point. “Ugh, god Da-” His phone ringing shattered his concentration. “Goddamnit.” He scrambled to pause the music and put his dick in his pants before picking it up. Shit, it was Dan. Heart in his mouth, he answered.  
“Hey man!” Barry bit his lip, hoping he didn’t sound out of breath.  
“Barry...” Dan’s voice sounded weird, distant.  
“Are you ok Dan?” Worry filled him. He had a horrible feeling in his chest.  
“Um.” He could hear the hesitation.  
“Da-.”  
“Fuck it. We need to talk. I’m outside. I... saw. I’ll be inside in a minute.” Barry’s heart seized and then pounded faster than it ever had in his life. _Fuck fuck FUCK!_ This was... not good, so not good. What the fuck was he going to say, how could he explain? He didn’t even... Shit!  
Scrambling up he headed out of his room, buttoning his jeans as he went. This was fucking nuts. Dan couldn’t have seen... have heard...  
The door opened slowly and Barry stared resolutely at the floor, a blush of shame covering his entire body as he hugged himself. He didn’t know what to say...

**

Dan hesitantly opened the door and saw Barry staring at the floor of the living room. He’d never seen the man look so crushed before. Before he could question himself Dan went to his best friend and hugged him. “Dude, it’s... well. It’s not ok, it’s a bit weird but... we’ll just talk about it, ok?”  
He could feel the shorter man shaking under his hug, still holding back. Dan pulled back and playfully punched Barry on the arm. “Come on man, we’re best friends. This is nothing. Just talk to me.”  
Barry looked up at him with tears in his eyes. “I... I...” he shrugged and tears started flowing down his face. Dan’s heart broke for him. He held him close, humming under his breath while the tears flowed. After a minute Barry returned the hug and they stood in an embrace while his sobs quietened.  
**

“Better?” Dan’s soft voice was filled with love, not judgement. It was more than he could ever have expected. This was so fucked up. Barry squeezed him and pulled away.  
“yeah. I’m... i just...” he let out a breath and wiped a hand down his face.  
“I’m really sorry Bar, i didn’t mean to walk in on you.”  
“No! I should be the one apologizing to you. That was... That’s not something normal people do.” Barry felt his chest compress again.  
“Well... i mean i usually watch porn but... i guess you... like me?” Dan avoided his gaze.  
“No!” Dan flinched at the shout. “Not like that, i mean, i like you as a friend. You’re my best friend. I just... God, i can’t look at you while i say this.” Barry turned and slumped down onto the sofa, leaving Dan standing to one side, just out of eye line.  
“So. Hey Mr TV!” Barry gave a half laugh and waved at the tv in front of him. “I like to jack off to my friends singing voice. Pretty weird. Don’t know why. Totally not gay. I just...” his fake jovial tone failed him. “Fucking... I don’t know. I just really fucking the love the sound of him singing. It makes me feel warm, and safe and so fucking turned on i can’t stand it! He’s my best friend and i cannot fuck that up. I don’t want to fuck him, i don’t want him to fuck me, i just... i just want to be with him. As friends, as really close friends. I love him. I really love him and i want to spend all my time with him and be with him all the time, and i want him to sing me to sleep, and make me feel safe, and hold me when i’m sad and fucking, just,” Barry paused as tears streamed down his face again and he wiped them away impatiently. “I don’t want him to leave me alone. I’m so lonely. And i love him so much. And maybe i got the two confused somewhere and that’s why i do it but... Damnit!” he cursed and buried his face in his hands, sobbing with all his heart.

**

Dan stared at his best friend in the world, barely aware that tears were streaming down his own face. The confession has touched something inside him and awakened the thing he had tried to hide from the minute he’d gotten close to Barry.  
“Barry.” The younger man jumped and turned away, hiding in the sofa cushions. Dan took a deep breath and resolved himself. “Barry, i love you that way too.” He barely heard his own voice, but somehow Barry caught the words. He knew the second they reached him. He took the three steps to the sofa and grabbed the other man in a fierce hug. “Damnit Barry, i love you too you idiot.” Barry’s watery eyes reached his own.  
“You... you really do?”  
“Of course man, and what you do to yourself in the privacy of your own room is none of my business.” Dan laughed and they both relaxed. They stayed in the close embraced for a few minutes longer and Dan knew it would be ok.


	2. Pain and Pleasure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It turns out Dan has a secret of his own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one got away from me and went way darker than i intended.

Dan traced a finger over the veins in his wrist. All week he’d been fighting the old impulse, that sick, hollow feeling inside his chest that demanded payment. He ran a frustrated hand through his already wild hair, tugging it as hard as he dared. It wasn’t enough pain. It never was.  
Things with Barry had returned to normal surprisingly quickly. Neither had mentioned the incident again but Danny couldn’t stop thinking about it. He’d been his usual self with the rest of the grumps and none of them had even realised something world shattering had happened between the pair. Barry’s only visible reaction was to be slightly more hesitant about casual touches. But in the privacy of his own bedroom, Dan couldn’t pretend that this hadn’t affected him. Something had changed and he was spinning out of control.  
He’d felt like this once before. He’d poured his heart into his music and his life into drugs and alcohol. Now he was sober and music was no solace. Every time he started to think of a melody, the image of Barry, head thrown back in ecstasy filled his mind and he felt like running. Worst of all, he hated himself entirely for it.  
He loved Barry, he really did. He was the most precious person in his whole life. And it made him sick to think of a life without Barry in it. But he couldn’t help the helpless feeling that filled him at the thought of being with Barry in any sexual way.  
Abruptly, Dan got up. He couldn’t even think it in his own head without wanting to hurt something, someone. _Yourself...._ the thought whispered through his mind promising the beautiful release he longed for.  
Even back then he’d never cut himself though. He’d snorted at the words ‘self harm’ and took pride in being able to swallow his pain. But he found ways. Little tricks to keep the darkness at bay. He paced the room, stalking from one side to the other, trying to ease the tension inside of him.  
Barry was just in the next room, he couldn’t think past that fact. Did he have his headphones on? Was he listening to Dan move around his room as he stroked himself? Was he gasping with pleasure at the thought of Dan’s voice whispering in his ear?  
Dan clawed at his hair, pulling a few strands out by the root and relishing the quick sharp sting. He couldn’t deal with this. He needed something and fuck knows he wasn’t going to turn back to the drugs for escapism. And he couldn’t turn to Barry. Not like this. He couldn’t understand the darkness he kept hidden inside. No one could. The only person he’d ever told had looked at him like he was some kind of freak and left him soon after. He couldn’t face that again. Especially not with Barry.  
Dan could feel his breath coming faster and faster and knew he was on the verge of a panic attack. “Fuck!” it was a soft noise in the stillness of the night and it made him freeze, listening intently. There was no noise from Barry’s room. Dan let out a slow breath, calmness easing over him. He had to, he HAD to.  
Crossing over to his wardrobe he dug through the crap at the bottom until he found the box he had hidden there. He didn’t even know why he’d kept the damn thing. But just the sight of it made the raging maelstrom of emotions crippling his mind fade slightly. Sitting crossed legged on the floor, he slowly, methodically, opened the box and took out the items inside.  
A lighter, a scrap of cloth, and three half burnt candles.  
Dan flicked the lighter open, watching the flame dance with each breath. Carefully, he lit each candle in turn. With a shaky breath, he put the cloth on his left leg and put his arm on top. The flesh was pale, untouched. The scent of burning and hot wax took him back to a dark place and he smiled to himself. Calmness was seeping out of that hurt place inside his chest. Lifting the first candle, Dan gauged the wax level. Almost. He bit his lip as he tilted the white pillar, hovering the exact right distance above his forearm.  
With one long exhale, he tilted it that minuscule amount to get grabbed by gravity and scalding wax flowed down to caress his skin. The air rushed out of his lungs as the first hot stab of pain sparked fire through his veins.  
The darkness that he kept chained inside of him kept reaching out and choking him with the need to lower the candle, make it hurt more. He resisted and grabbed the next candle. It was insane. This was insane. What was he doing?  
The answer didn’t come as he took the third candle and tipped another scalding rush of wax up his arm dripping down the sides, layering the pain. The hollow feeling in his chest intensified as the wax cooled. He flexed his hand, pulling the wax off his skin. Red flesh blossomed underneath marring the perfect whiteness of before. Something inside him snapped and he felt the calm release of tension hit him deep in his balls. It was always like this. First the pain, then the pleasure.  
He blew out the candles and carefully pulled the cool wax of his arm, dumping it onto the cloth. Lightly brushing his fingers over the hot red marks on his skin, Dan closed his eyes and lent back against his bed. Each touch sent a rush of pain and then a responding glint of pleasure through him.  
The control over his own emotions restored, Dan wrestled with his boxers and quickly took himself in hand to give himself another kind of release. With hard, fast strokes that brushed his burnt forearm on his chest, he chased the glittering promise of release. He clawed at his own chest, scratching even as he thrust into his hand. It wasn’t enough. With a growl of frustration he yanked his head back by the hair, pulling as hard as he could.  
“Fuck, fuck, yeah...” he was so close. He arched into each down stroke. His balls tightened and the image of Barry flashed through his brain like lightning. “God, Barry! Yes!” With a final cry he came, exploding all over his hand and legs. 

Barry snuck away from Dan’s door with a rock hard erection. That was...interesting.


	3. Things get...interesting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barry takes the next step and Dan starts to come to terms with some things.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Extra long smutty chapter - woo! Hope you guys enjoy it.

Barry had a hard time sleeping that night and by the next morning he had worked out a sort of plan to deal with what he had seen. Dan’s pacing had woken him up and the smell of candles had brought him to his bedroom door. Seeing what Dan had been doing had kept him frozen, eyes glued to the crack, breath held.   
It hadn’t escaped his notice that Dan was wound up in the week since their ‘incident’. Sure he’d laughed it off as nothing, but he had stopped singing around the house and there was a wariness whenever Barry was near enough to touch him. It had hurt for a few days until Barry realised it wasn’t about them as friends, it was about shit in Dan’s own head. And now this.   
Dan had said his name when he came.   
The sheer joy that accompanied that thought had been more than enough to keep his thoughts winding in circles for hours. Sure, they loved each other as friends, but what if there was something...more? He desperately wanted to test the waters, to see if Dan really did think of him that way.   
And he finally had to admit to himself that there was something inside him that loved the look on Dan’s face when he’d cried out his name. He knew he wasn’t into guys, but maybe he was into Dan. And maybe, just maybe, Dan was into him.  
He’d do something tonight, he decided.

**

Dan woke up feeling calmer than he had all week. He lazily lifted his arm, examining it critically. There was a lingering sensitivity but it was back to its usual colour. Perfect. A twisted smile crossed his face. He hadn’t lost the knack even with all the time that had passed. Humming quietly to himself, he went about the business of getting up.  
As he left his room he noticed Barry was already at the table having his breakfast.  
“Morning, Bar,” the usual stab of panic at seeing his roommate half undressed and rumpled failed to appear. Thank god, it had worked.  
“Afternoon,” Barry laughed. Dan pulled a face at him and went about getting his food together. It was nice to be back to normal. He had grumping to do today but he’d over slept after being up so late the night before. Before he could settle at the table with him, Barry had launched to his feet.  
“Well, i’ve got things i need to do today at the office, i’ll catch you later tonight.” There was something in Barry’s gaze that made Dan shiver inside and he absently rubbed his burnt arm.   
“Ok, see you later man.” Barry left in a flurry and Dan couldn’t help but think that his roommate was up to something.

**

It was a lot later than he’d hoped when Dan eventually got back to the apartment that night. Barry had set everything up as casually as he possibly could. He’d shut all the lights off except for one by the sofa and set his laptop up on the table in front of him. He decided on keeping himself fully dressed, but had his jeans open, his dick straining against his boxers, ready and waiting. He’d also put a box of tissues and his favourite lube next to it. He’d been playing his secret Dan playlist for an hour now, on low volume, waiting for his roommates return. The darkness had helped him feel better about doing this out in the open. It felt like he was trapping Dan but he wanted, no, he _needed_ to know if what he’d seen, what he’d heard meant what he hoped.   
Finally, when Barry felt like screaming from the tension and sheer horniness, he heard the keys rattle outside the front door. With a deep breath, Barry eased back on the sofa and took himself in hand. He hissed in pleasure, sensitive after waiting for so long. The door opened and shut but Barry didn’t dare look as he slid his hand up and down, his confidence wavering now reality was upon him. 

**

Dan heard the soft tones of his own singing voice a second before he saw Barry. His heart lurched in his chest as he drank in the vision before him. His roommate was sat stiffly on the sofa lit only by the lamp and laptop screen. His face was a picture of determination and embarrassment. Dan licked his lips and let his eyes drop back down. Lust sizzled through him, fast and unexpected. Yep, he was jerking off, caressing his shaft slowly up and down. He was clearly aware that Dan was standing right there, watching. He suddenly knew that Barry had done this on purpose but he couldn’t find it in him to be pissed. This was... an invitation.  
He dropped his coat and saw Barry flinch a little. The song changed to the one he’d been humming this morning and something clicked in his head. He’d been humming. He hadn’t sung around Barry since he’d discovered what it meant. And now...  
“Ba...Barry.” his throat was so dry, he had to swallow before he could get the word out. Barry turned away, his hand almost at a standstill, his body betraying his nervousness.  
“I...” Dan didn’t know what to say. Didn’t know how to act. He... wanted this. The thought spiked through him, feeling better than the candles had last night. His rock hard erection was proof enough of that. Dan let out a laugh and Barry curled up, turning away and covering himself with a pillow.  
“No, Barry, i’m not laughing at you. Damnit!” he crossed the room and sat next to the other man.   
“I’m sorry, i don’t know what i was thinking -” Barry started to try and leave.   
He wanted this. He had to take the next step. He just had to show Barry somehow.  
Deliberately Dan grabbed the pillow and threw it across the room. Barry’s watery eyes met his for a shocked second.   
“I laughed because i realised something.” Slowly, Dan turned and messed with the laptop. A second later the music was on almost full volume. And Dan started singing.

**

Barry looked deep into Dan’s warm eyes as his voice surrounded them in the semi darkness. If he thought he’d been turned on by the recording it was ten times better hearing it live.   
“Dan?” his voice was quiet. The taller man crowded him into the sofa, leaning in close so his mouth was right next to Barry’s ear. A shiver rocked through his body at the closeness.  
“Yes. Barry, god help me but yes.” The whisper was rough, as if torn from deep inside of him. Dan moved back, met his eyes. The love shone in his gaze and Barry felt himself relax.   
Carefully, almost reverently, Dan brought his lips to his own and Barry’s world exploded into colours. This. This was what he’d wanted for so long. It was a light brush, a testing of his own. Barry responded, pushing against Dan’s lips, pressing his desperation into him. There was a low growl from the older man before he hungrily took control of the kiss, pushing, invading Barry’s mouth with his tongue. His large hands ran down his body, pulling Barry into him, seeking contact. Barry cried out as Dan’s hand found his dick, the sound swallowed by the others’ mouth. Fire rocketed through him and he felt like he was burning all over. He was surrounded by Dan, his voice, his hands, his kisses, it was everything and more. Within a few strokes he was close to climax. He ripped away from Dan’s mouth, panting.  
“Oh god, i’m gonna-” Dan abruptly pulled back, assessing him.  
“I want this to last... is that ok?” Dan was pretty breathless himself Barry noticed with a smug smile.  
“If you want to then...” The whole situation was more than he could have dreamed would happen and he didn’t want it to end any more than Dan did.  
“God yes,” he swooped back in for another kiss, exploring every inch with his lips and tongue. Barry relaxed into the long, luxurious kisses, tangling his hands into Dan’s hair. He loved the feel of it on his skin. Dan’s hands were gripped on each of his thighs, tensing and relaxing as they made out. He could feel how eager he was to touch him but he held back. Barry tugged on Dan’s hair and was surprised by the rapturous groan that burst from Dan’s lips.   
He pulled back, remembering. “Dan...” Dan’s gaze was slightly unfocused, his lips full from their kissing, pale skin slightly red where he’d been rubbing against Barry’s beard. He looked fucking wonderful.  
“Bar,” his husky voice almost made Barry reconsider his next words, but he swallowed hard and plunged in. It was only fair.  
“I saw you.” Dan looked confused and settled back into the sofa. “Last night.” Barry dropped his gaze, then bravely met Dan’s eyes again. There was a slight frown on his face. “I saw... everything.” Dan’s eyes widened and he looked panicked.  
“You... how are you even touching me right now? Shit!” it was explosive and Barry reeled back in shock. Someone had hurt him over this, badly. He wanted to hunt that person down and rip out their lungs.  
“Hey, it’s ok! So you’re into kinky shit, who cares?” Barry took Dan’s face in his hands. The other man struggled, trying to get up and leave. Barry pushed him back into the sofa, pinning him with his body. “Dan. Look at me. Feel me.” He grabbed Dan’s hand and put it on his still rock hard dick. “I am one hundred percent ok with this.”  
There was a film of unshed tears in Dan’s eyes and he was gasping for breath. Barry thought for a second and then sat up a bit, pulling on Dan’s left arm. He stroked his fingers up and down his forearm, remembering the way Dan had compulsively done the same thing this morning.   
“Dan, you’re ok. I’ve got you.” Carefully, lightly, Barry ran his nail down Dan’s arm, watching closely for a reaction.

**  
Dan couldn’t get a breath. Everything was happening too fast, first the kisses, the touching, and then... he swallowed hard. Barry knew about his secret. It was a black stain on his soul and he was so fucking ashamed of it. And Barry knew. A thousand knives couldn’t have hurt worse than the pain inside of him that second.  
He was dimly aware of Barry trying to reassure him, felt the slick heat of his best friends dick in his hand, and then he felt it. The spark. His eyes flickered and refocused on the soft blue gaze of the man above him. Barry ran his nail back up the arm, digging in slightly. The sensitivity from last night’s burns had long since fled but his memory, the meaning of this moment filled him.  
“Dan, i’ll always have your back. You don’t need to worry. I love you.” The words were the same he had spoken last week, but with his dick in one hand it became something more, something fulfilling. Dan couldn’t believe his willingness to be with him, even knowing about the thing he had kept hidden for so long.  
“You can’t mean that Bar, you don’t know the thoughts i have, the twisted, sick need inside of me.” He couldn’t look at him anymore and focused on the laptop's spinning screensaver. He fought against himself as Barry continued scratching his nails up and down his arm, trying desperately not to respond. There was a sharp tug on his hair and he couldn’t help the half moan that escaped him as Barry forced his head to turn.  
“Dan, you’re a fucking idiot.” The statement was softened with a small kiss, “and believe me, we will talk about this. But i think you need to pay attention to what your hand is doing.” Barry bit his bottom lip and Danny realised he was gently squeezing Barry’s dick, stroking it slowly up and down in time to the scratches Barry was running up and down his arm. He stilled, flushing red. “I can feel how much you want this, how much you like this,” Barry punctuated his words with a sharp tug of his hair, “but we don’t have to do this right now.”   
Barry groaned and dropped his head into Danny’s shoulder. “Mostly because if i don’t come soon i’m going to go fucking insane.” He lifted his head, lips hovering over Dan’s.  
“So make me come already.”


	4. The best moment

Barry stared down at the uncertain eyes of his best friend. This was the moment where it could all break apart, a thousand tiny pieces that could never be fixed. He held his breath, a myriad of emotions surging through him. Dan could bolt at any second and god help him but he wanted this more than anything he’d wanted in his whole life.  
Dan let out a breath and closed the distance between their lips. The first touch was electric, making Barry thrust into Dan’s hand before he could stop himself. The kiss intensified, hunger surging between the two of them. Barry fumbled between them, trying to get at Dan’s body. He pulled away for a second, “God, Dan, I want you so badly, i can barely hold on.” Dan laughed his sweet, wonderful laugh and pushed Barry upright, settling them into a sitting position.   
“Well, i did cockblock you the other day...” He looked down at said dick, biting his lower lip. “Can you.. i mean... do you want to...” Dan made a half gesture to his own crotch and Barry didn’t need a second invitation. He grabbed at the fastenings, ripping them open as Dan laughed quietly. He pushed Barry’s fumbling hands away and quickly undid everything. “Man, i’m gonna have to apologize to Arin about this later.” He pushed his jeans down, kicking them off onto the floor. Barry’s eyes were glued to the jutting shape beneath the thin fabric of Dan’s boxers. He’d never been so fucking eager to see another guys dick.   
“Don’t talk about Arin right now.” Barry muttered. Dan’s hand slowed, hesitating at the edge of his boxers.  
“Are you _sure_ that you want this... that you want m-me-” Barry didn’t let him finish the sentence and pushed in for another kiss, caressing his friends face.  
“Dan, i’ve never been so sure about anything in my life, and if you don’t get that massive cock i’ve heard so much about out in the next two seconds, i’m going to fucking explode.” Dan’s infectious laugh rang out again and he pushed the boxers down. Barry leant back and let out a soft whistle. Dan flushed and playfully punched his arm, half covering himself in the process.   
“C’mon man...” Barry gently moved the hand away, and replaced it with his own. It felt... right. His own dick twitched. He explored the length, stroking it up and down, taking note of what made Dan gasp, what made him push into his hand. And all the while Dan’s soft voice sang to them from the laptop.

**

Dan couldn’t believe he was getting wanked by his best friend. He felt like he could come at any second but somehow Barry was an expert at taking him to the edge and then backing away. He’d trace the sensitive edge of the head one second and then be barely touching as he skimmed his hand up and down. It was the best fucking hand job he’d ever had.   
He ran his hand through his hair, pushing his hips up with a groan. “Damnit Barry, you’re such a fucking cock tease.”   
Barry flushed. “Sorry, i just... i want to make sure this is good for you.”  
“I’m pretty sure this is the best moment of my whole life.” He leant back, pulling Barry with him until they were half laying on the sofa with Barry on top. Dan let himself go and ran his hands up and down Barry’s back. Barry thrust into his hip, the friction causing them both to hiss in pleasure.  
“God, Dan, i wanted this to last but-” He was panting desperately and Dan grabbed his ass, pushing past the jeans to feel his naked skin. He shifted his weight, opening his legs and they both groaned as their erections pressed against each other.  
“Bar, oh god, this is amazing.” Barry’s hands were everywhere, tangling handfuls of his hair, his lips sucking on his neck. They found the rhythm and the slick heat took them to even greater heights.  
“Dan, god, dan!” Panting, Dan wiggled his hand between them and grabbed both their cocks in one hand, jerking them up and down.   
“ugh, Barry, i’m gonna-.” Barry bit down on his neck and he came in thick, hot jets, bucking furiously. He could feel the vibrations of Barry’s moan through his body and half a second later he felt Barry’s dick jerk in his grasp.

**

Minutes passed as they lay there trying to get their breathing under control.  
“So... that happened.” Barry said at last. Dan burst out laughing underneath him, wrapping his arms around him in a bear hug.  
“Yeah. Not what i was expecting when i came home.” He squeezed Barry, snuggling into his neck.   
“Dan, as much as i’m loving this, we sorta need to...” Barry waved a hand to the wet patch between them. There was more laughter as they untangled themselves and quickly cleaned up. Barry couldn’t help blushing as he wiped off the wetness on his t-shirt. After some adjusting and zipping, they were both covered again. Barry turned the music off and the silence fell suddenly.  
Anxiety crawled through him, ruining his glowing high. What was going to happen now? They’d pretty much just had some kind of gay sex thing and Dan was one hundred per cent not into the dudes. Barry cleared his throat awkwardly.   
Suddenly he felt Dan’s hand on his waist, pulling him in close. “Barry, you’re thinking too hard. Just... let’s just enjoy this for tonight, ok? We can work everything out tomorrow.” He relaxed into the cuddle, leaning his head onto Dan’s shoulder and looked up into his gorgeous eyes.   
“We’re going to be ok, right?” Barry didn’t want this moment to end but he had to know.  
“shh,” Dan kissed him gently on the lips. “just...” Dan sighed. “Just let me hold you, ok? i... i need you.” Barry could see the fragile look on his friends... lovers? face. He nodded slightly, pressing his own kiss onto Dan’s lips. He reached across and took Dan’s left hand and held it in his hand. It felt like coming home. They relaxed together and Dan started humming under his breath.   
“You were wrong,” Barry whispered as he started drifting off to sleep. “this is the best moment of my whole life.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yaaay! a happy chapter. But what's going to happen in the cold light of day? ooooOOOooooo


	5. The day after the night before

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The rest of the gang finally put in an appearance

Dan woke up slowly the next morning, happiness radiating through him as he realised Barry was spooning him. They’d fallen asleep for a while on the sofa and then had talked for hours about everything and nothing. Dan had carefully avoided the subject of his ... kink as Barry had called it. They’d moved to the bedroom for some real sleep, and it seemed only natural to curl up together. They’d whispered long into the night, heads together on the pillow, holding hands.  
As carefully as he could, Dan slid out of the warm embrace, reluctantly leaving the bed to answer the call of nature. They’d sort of figured out their feelings. Both had said they’d never had these sort of feelings about anyone else and they were going to try and explore a relationship together. As far as Dan was concerned, it was exactly the same as it had been before, but with a added sense of intimacy. He snorted as he finished in the bathroom, towelling his hands dry. It was an intimacy he didn’t even know he’d craved. They were going to take things slowly, neither pushing the other for anything more. Dan would be happy just to wake up to Barry’s embrace every morning. The smaller man had somehow managed to be the big spoon, making him feel small, safe and protected. He checked the time as he headed back into the bedroom and groaned. They were going to be late getting to Arin and Suzy’s if they didn’t start getting ready soon.  
He smiled down at the sight of Barry curled up in his bed. The sheet had pulled down when he’d gotten out and it revealed Barry’s bare chest. It was weird to think he found it so sexy when yesterday he’d have suppressed the thought of Barry in any state of undress. Slowly, he crawled his way up the bed until he hovered over his sleeping roommate. He looked so peaceful that Dan didn’t want to disturb him. More than anything he wanted to crawl back into bed next to him and stay safe in their little shelter of fragile new emotions. But they’d promised they’d hang out at Arin’s today and Suzy had planned a meal and everything. Gently, he placed his lips onto Barry’s, kissing him tenderly. 

**

Barry was aware of someone above him, kissing him into wakefulness. He smiled and returned the kiss before his eyes flickered open. Dan was above him, playfully smiling down at him. “Morning sleepyhead.”  
Barry grinned back at him.“Mmm i could get used to this.” He said, pulling Dan back for another kiss. It felt so natural to explore Dan’s mouth with his tongue, caressing his back as he pulled him down for an embrace.  
He was rock hard within a second and he could feel the answering weight of Dan’s dick against his leg. He wished there wasn’t a sheet between them and started to try and pull it off. With a series of quick kisses, Dan pulled back.  
“Sorry, Bar, but we don’t have time.” Barry wriggled and Dan let out a groan as their dicks brushed close to each other. “Any other day and we’d be doing this so hard... but we gotta get moving. We have stuff to do at Arin’s.” Barry cursed. He’d forgotten that was today.  
Dan kissed him one last time and then clambered off the bed. Barry took a second to appreciate the view of Dan in just his boxers before he started getting up himself.  
“It’s going to be so hard to not touch you today.” He muttered as he started towards his own room to get ready. Dan stopped him with a hand on his arm.  
“Do you... do you not want to tell them?” There was a tightness around Dan’s eyes, like he expected to get rejected. Barry pulled him into a hug, looking up at him.  
“Dan, i love you more than the world, but i want this to be just us for now, you know? This is all so new and special... i don’t really want them asking questions we don’t have answers to right now.” After a second, Dan relaxed.  
“Yeah, you’re right.” He laughed, “And you just know Ross will make it a huge joke about us being gay, or Arin will joke about the D club.” They smiled.  
“Exactly. This is... this our thing. Like you said, they don’t need to know what goes on in the privacy of our own flat.”

**

It was a few hours later when Arin noticed the love bite on his neck. They were in the middle of recording a batch of episodes and Dan had stretched out, pulling his hair off his neck to circulate some air.  
“Oooo, so who’s the special new lady in your life Dan?” Arin’s voice was teasing.  
“What? I don’t have a special lady.” Dan was thrown by the question. He glanced over at Arin to see a shit eating grin on his friends face.  
“Oh yeah, then who has been taking bites out of your neck?” Dan flushed a bright red, remembering Barry sucking on his neck the night before. _Shit!_ He hadn’t even glanced in the mirror before leaving. He was aware of the stillness behind him but didn’t dare turn to look. Barry was in the room on his laptop, and he usually had his headphones on but...  
“You’re such a liar Arin, don’t tease the lovelies that way. You know you’re the only one for me.” He tried to pass off the joke but Arin was having none of it.  
“Aww Dan’s got a secret giiirlfriiiend!”  
“You’re such a shit.” He punched him on the arm and laughed as Arin’s character died from his distraction. “Serves you right.”  
“Ha, probably.”  
Dan half turned grabbing for his drink, but he threw a desperate look towards Barry. His lover was sat frozen, hands hovering above the keyboard of the laptop. Shit, he needed to get Arin to drop this, fast.  
“Besides, a gentleman never kisses and tells.” He said, turning back and taking a swig of his drink. “But it was Helena.” Arin spluttered and Dan burst out laughing. “uhh, can i think about it?” he mimicked, invoking the great Dead or Alive debacle.  
“Next time on Game Grumps, will Arin ever get over his lost love?” Arin hit pause on the timer and Dan got up to escape.  
“Not so fast Avidan. For real, who’s the girl?” Barry and Dan locked eyes and Barry shrugged slightly. So it was up to him how to play it.  
Dan opened his mouth to pass off some lie about a one night stand, or it being no one special, but looking into Barry’s eyes, he just couldn’t do it. He turned back to Arin and flopped down on the sofa.  
“Arin, you know you’re one of my best friends, but can we not talk about this on the show?” he hesitated a second as Arin finally clued in to how serious it was. “This is a new thing for me, and i don’t want to fuck it up, ok? It’s...” he sighed, running a hand through his hair, acutely aware of Barry behind him. “I think this is going to be one of those life changing deals and i really, seriously, deeply care about this person.” Dan couldn’t bring himself to say girl, but Arin barely noticed.  
“Holy shit dude, you’re in love!” Arin bounced on the couch. “Hey! Ross, Suzy get in here! Barry take off the headphones.” Barry quickly pretended to be absorbed in his laptop as Arin turned to glance in his direction.  
“Arin, shit man.” Dan blushed bright red as Suzy and Ross poked their heads in.  
“Dan’s in LOVE! The Sexbang is gonna get tied down!”  
“Whaaat?” Suzy squealed and rushed over for a hug while Ross lingered in the doorway, making some quiet joke Dan didn’t catch. “why didn’t you tell us?”  
Arin began beat boxing, “Da-da-da-da-dan’s in love, ptt chh.” Dan threw a panicked look to Barry when he realised he was still sat in the corner. Barry grinned and joined the fray, patting Dan on the back.  
“Guys, come on, it’s no big deal.”  
“Are you gonna get married and have a waifu like me and Arin?” Ross said. “Poor Barry is gonna be the only single one left!”  
“Nah, Dan’s too high maintenance to keep a girl for long,” Barry said with a laugh. Dan play punched him in the arm.  
“Ok guys, we get it. You’re all happy for me. If i knew getting laid would have caused this kind of celebration i would have done it more often.” Everyone laughed and Dan relaxed. Their secret was safe, for now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so happy you guys are enjoying this!  
> Also, it's super hard to type out beat boxing :D


	6. The beej

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What it says in the title ;)

The day had dragged on but finally they were home. The pair collapsed on the sofa together, and Dan snuggled closer to Barry for hugs. Once the celebration had died down, they’d quickly finished recording the last couple of episodes and then hung out, discussing Grump business. Dan had itched to talk to Barry, to see if it was ok that they knew Dan was with someone. They’d brought it up again during dinner, Ross making insane guesses on who it could be but Dan just shook his head and said nothing until Suzy had called them all off. She was a really good friend. Barry’s eyes had been full of pride and he’s squeezed Dan’s leg under the table.  
Somehow they’d managed to extract themselves relatively early, but it still felt like it had been too long since they’d be alone. Dan inhaled the familiar scent of Barry and sighed, settling down on the sofa so his head was in Barry’s lap, relaxing fully at last. “i’m so glad we’re home. It’s insane but i missed touching you so much today.” He felt more than heard the rumble of Barry’s laugh as the other man tangled his fingers in his hair.  
“I know what you mean. It didn’t help that you were singing during some of those episodes. I wanted to jump over the sofa and do you right there.” Dan blinked up at Barry. A flush spread over his face and he bit his lip, looking away. Dan’s heart swelled at his embarrassment.  
“Bar, you don’t have to be embarrassed that you like me. I mean, everyone wants to bang the Sexbang.” That caused Barry to burst out laughing and whack him over the head with a pillow. “But seriously, i want to do you as well Bar, just...” he sobered for a second thinking about it.   
“It might be too soon?” Barry supplied.   
“Yeah. Maybe. I’ve only ever done this kind of thing with girls before, i don’t even know how to go about doing this ‘gay’ stuff.” He made bunny ears in the air.  
Barry stroked his hair gently, “I just know i want to be with you Dan, if we never had full on sex, that’s cool. But i can’t pretend that i wasn’t thinking about doing so pretty gay stuff to you today.”   
“Me too...You know what, fuck labels man.” Dan sat up abruptly, turning on the sofa so they were face to face. “ I love you. I fucking loved last night. It might scare the ever loving shit out of me to think about some of this stuff, but you make me happy. Waking up next to you was amazing and i want to do it every day for the rest of life.” He grinned at the look on Barry’s face before going in for a kiss.  
When they broke apart a few minutes later, they were both breathless. “I love you too, Dan.”

**

It was a few weeks later when Barry decided to take the next step in the relationship. They’d settled into a comfortable routine, only being intimate at home, and acting as if they didn’t jack each other into orgasm on a nightly basis everywhere else. Dan had been singing in the shower before they’d headed to Arin’s to record some Grumps and Steam Train. The sight of Dan dripping wet and singing had been branded on his brain all morning and he was dying to get some alone time with him.   
He decided he’d steal a quick kiss while Arin was out of the room, or he’d jump him on the next bathroom break. Anything to get his hands on Dan. Finally Arin called “next time on Game Grumps,” and hit the timer. Dan got up and stretched and Arin scribbled some notes down.  
“Can we get fifteen? I need a piss and some food.” Arin barely glanced up.  
“Yeah, sure. We’re done with that game for today anyway.” Dan nodded and left the Grump room. Barry silently counted to thirty under his breath before casually putting the laptop to one side and getting up.   
Leaving the room, he quickly stalked through the house to find Dan. Suzy was out and Ross was coming over later that evening. It was the perfect time. He heard a flush and a tap running from the bathroom, and quietly knocked.  
“Just a sec,” The tap stopped and he opened the door. Barry pushed him aside, slipping into the room before locking it.  
“Barry, what the hell, what if Arin saw-” Barry pressed Dan into the door with a fierce kiss.  
“He’s wrapped up in the grump room, he’ll never know.” He palmed Dan’s dick through his jeans. “Besides, i’ve been wanting to do this all damn day.” Dan groaned and returned the kiss.  
“You’re so fucking sexy when you take charge.” He whispered, grabbing at Barry’s own dick.  
“Oh really? Well how about I take charge some more?” As far as come ons went, it wasn’t the best, but Barry didn’t care. He unbuckled Dan’s belt, and pulled him free of his boxers. Dan hissed as he worked him quickly with his hand. He knew all his sensitive spots and just how to twist his hand to get him close to orgasm within a few minutes.  
“God, Bar, this is nuts. You know i can’t be quiet when you do that shit.” Barry laughed and kissed him. He pulled away for a quick second and turned the tap on full blast.  
“There, now no one will hear your pretty mouth moaning my name.” Barry dropped to his knees in front of Dan. “Especially when i do this.” With one movement, he took Dan’s cock in his mouth, sucking hard.  
“Fuck!”

**

Dan saw stars as Barry took him in his mouth for the first time. He bit his lip to keep from crying out as Barry’s head bobbed up and down. He could barely keep from bucking into his mouth and fisted his hands in his t-shirt to keep from grabbing at him.   
With a hand and mouth, Barry worked him expertly. He tongued the base of his head while he sucked, and worked the shaft with his hand. It was amazing. The thrill of knowing they could get caught at any second added spice to the whole situation and he was seconds away from coming.  
“Barry, fuck, Bar, i’m gonna... you gotta let go or i’m gonna...” Barry rolled his eyes up to look at him and deliberately ran his tongue over his head before taking him deep into his throat, and Dan was lost. With a shout he exploded, coming into Barry’s mouth, one hand fisted in his hair, bucking uncontrollably.  
Breathing harshly, he came out of his daze to see Barry licking his fingers.   
“Fuck, did you... did you swallow?” Barry nodded and blushed. “That is so fucking hot.”  
Barry grinned and climbed to his feet. He kissed Dan on the cheek and helped him put his clothes back together. “Sorry, i just had to.” Barry turned and washed his hands, checking his mouth in the mirror and giving it a quick wipe too.  
Dan could barely move and thought he’d probably forgotten how to use his legs. He’d never come so hard from a blowjob before. Barry returned to him and laughed. “You look like someone dragged you through a bush.” Barry’s warm hands played with his hair, pushing it back into a semblance of order. Dan finally came down enough to realise that Barry was still rock hard in his jeans. He reached for him but Barry danced a few steps away.  
“Come on Bar, you just gave me the best beej of my life, i can’t leave you like this."  
“We haven’t got time, but you can return the favour tonight.” He grinned and kissed him. Dan explored his mouth with his tongue, vividly aware that the same mouth had been on his dick only minutes before. It was enough to give him a semi. Barry broke away from the kiss and gave him a quick hug. “Ok, i’d better get back to the grump room before Arin wonders where the hell we are. Don’t forget to get that food!” Dan moved round so Barry could unlock the door. He listened for a couple of seconds and then quietly slipped out.   
Once he was alone, Dan sat on the edge of the bath, his heart sinking. Barry had said he should return the favour, did he mean...? He could feel the old familiar panic well up in his chest and he cursed himself out. They were a couple. They jerked each other off all the time, how was Barry going down on him any different from touching dicks?  
And how the fuck could he be in love with Barry and still be scared shitless of having sex with him?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh no! What's going to happen next?


	7. The Darkness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things get pretty dark

The rest of the day was a trial in patience and self control. His skin itched with the need to inflict some kind of pain on himself and his balls itched the need to fuck Barry senseless. Dan felt like he was slowly going insane and it was almost a relief when Barry left for home. He’d be acutely aware of the editor behind him all through his sessions with Ross and wasn’t even sure of half of the things he’d said in them.   
He lingered in the grump room, mindlessly playing some game or other while his thoughts churned in circles. He loved Barry more than anyone he’d ever met in his life. He loved being with him and the intimacy they’d built between them. But the thought of doing anything more caused his entire body to seize with panic, black despair welling up inside of his chest. It was the familiar feeling, that hidden darkness he’d pushed away his whole life. The feeling that caused him to lash out and hurt himself, until his skin looked as messed up as his insides. The feeling that had led to him using candle wax to get himself off. The feeling that kept reoccurring whenever he thought about fucking Barry. And the feeling he’d had since the moment he knew he was in love with Barry, all that time ago.   
He’d become so adept at pushing the thoughts away, at denying his desires that he almost hadn’t realised his attraction to the quiet guy. More than anything he didn’t want to fuck this up with his issues. He’d run from so many relationships when his darker needs had started to creep up and choke him. He could pretend with any other girl, but not with Barry. Barry had seen the need and he hadn’t run away. Hell, he’d practically run to him. But what did it all mean? Dan ran a frustrated hand through his hair. He just didn’t know what to do, how to deal.   
There was a thump behind him and he nearly jumped out of his skin. He glanced over his shoulder to see Arin leaning against the now closed door to the grump room.  
“Dan... are you ok?” Dan quickly pulled his usual mask up and laughed.  
“Yeah, of course man.” He turned back to the tv and fiddled with the controller.   
Arin slowly came round the sofa and sat next to him. Dan tried to ignore the concerned look on his friends face but Arin kept staring at him until he threw the controller to one side and made eye contact.  
“yeah?” It was defensive at best, but Arin didn’t look taken aback by his hostile tone.  
“Look... it’s not my business but...” Arin pushed his hair back and seemed to be considering something. He let out a breath and put his hand on Dan’s knee. “Look man, I’m not stupid, I know something’s been going on with you, and I know it’s not a girl.” Dan blinked at him. They’d teased him about his ‘girlfriend’ a few times but he’d never said anything more or brought it up.   
“Arin, nothing’s going on...”  
Arin rolled his eyes and cut him off with a violent hand gesture. “To be brutally honest, you’ve been freaking out since Barry blew you this afternoon.”   
The floor dropped out from beneath him and he felt his eyes go wide. Ice cold fear crawled through his veins and he tried to get a breath.  
“T-the fuck Arin?” he could barely force the words out. “That’s a lame ass joke.” He had to protect himself, he couldn’t let them know!  
“Dan. Look. We’re your friends, ok? I don’t know if any of the other know but you are one of my absolute best friends, believe me, i’ve noticed how you fucking glow around each other, ok? And you guys weren’t exactly quiet in the bathroom,” Arin noticed that Dan had apparently stopped breathing. “Woah. Ok, wasn’t expecting this reaction. Just breathe man,” He pushed Dan’s head between his knees, patting him awkwardly on his back. “Deep breaths, in and out.”  
Dan’s thought swirled in his head and he couldn’t hear past the rush of blood through his ears. Arin knew. Someone knew, he had to run, to escape, to flee before it became real. Darkness swirled through him and panic choked the life from his lungs. He gasped, trying desperately to breathe but there was nothing but the darkness.

**

He woke up staring at the grump room ceiling. There was a cold cloth on his head and he could hear Suzy and Arin talking somewhere nearby. His heart froze and then pounded when he remembered what had happened. Arin knew. Desperately he pulled the cloth off his head and sat up. The voices stopped and then the couple entered the room. Dan sat stiffly, feeling like he was about to get a scolding from his parents.   
“Are you feeling better now Dan? Arin said you were feeling sick.” Dan looked from one to the other, confused. Had he imagined the whole thing? Was he going that fucking insane that he was imaging whole conversations and black out panic attacks?  
Arin put an arm around Suzy. “I told you he just needed a nap Suz.”  
“Uhh, yeah, i feel better now.” Dan coughed.   
“I’ll go get you a drink, be back in a minute.” She left the room in a flurry and Arin’s face switched to serious.   
“I didn’t tell her, if you’re this fucking anxious about me knowing, i didn’t think you’d want it spread around. I was gonna call Barry but...”   
“No! I can’t see him, not like this-.”   
“Ok, no Barry.” He glanced at the door and then back at Dan. “Hold on a minute, don’t go anywhere, ok?” Arin left the room and he could hear him talking to Suzy again. While he was alone, he quickly pulled up his shirt sleeve and dug his nails in as hard as he could, pulling it harshly up his arm so he left a mark. The pain blossomed and the panic eating at his chest eased a fraction. He finally took a deep breath. A second later he heard the front door slam and he quickly pulled the sleeve back into place.  
Arin appeared in the doorway a moment later. “I asked Suzy to go out for a bit, we’re alone.” He flopped onto the sofa next to Dan. “Look, i’m not exactly a doctor or a psychologist but i’m pretty sure you’re not supposed to be having panic attacks until you pass out.” Dan looked away, studying the games on the wall. “Dan. Just talk to me. Why is this such a big deal for you? So you’re boning your roommate, who cares? You two are clearly in love.”  
Dan opened his mouth to say something but no words would form. He threw a helpless look at Arin who sighed.  
“You’re scared, right? Maybe about people’s reactions....”  
“No! Not that, i just, i...” Dan couldn’t put his feelings into words.  
“Ok, so you’re scared of how you feel about him?” Arin’s tone was gentle.  
“Arin...” Dan pulled at his hair. “i can’t... i’ve never told anyone...”  
“Maybe you should talk this out with Barry?” Panic seized Dan again and he grabbed at Arin’s arm.  
“No, god no, i can’t take it... if he left me...”  
Understanding dawned on Arin’s face. “You’re scared that Barry will leave you? That’s so stupid Dan. You two are perfect for each other and that’s even hiding your relationship from us.”  
Dan tilted his head to one side. “How exactly did you...”  
“Dan, every time you two look at each other, i feel like shouting get a room. There is no way you two weren’t together with looks like that flying around.” Arin grinned. “That and you’d have told us about the girl by now, so it had to be something secret. It didn’t take long to work it out. Pretty sure Suze has an inkling that you might be with a guy, but i’m not sure if she knows it’s Barry. And Ross is just clueless.” He patted Dan on the arm. “And you are fucking crazy if you think Barry will leave you, for what... some kind of minor freak out?”  
Dan swallowed hard, maybe if he did it hard enough he could swallow all his fears. “I’m going to tell you something, but please, just... never bring it up ever again, ok?”  
Arin nodded slowly. Dan took a breath and settled back on the sofa, looking up to the ceiling. “When i was younger, i was with a girl i thought i would marry. We were so madly, completely in love. I told her about some things... some stuff i keep hidden. Like my...” he swallowed and pushed the words out. “Like my attraction to guys. And some other stuff. She... she left me.” Dan’s voice broke and he brushed a stray tear away. He’d told her about his need to control his life with pain, and how when he thought about guys he had to hurt himself. She’d looked at him like he was an absolute freak. She hadn’t left straight away, but she’d withdrawn and within a few weeks she had called things off. “I’ve never been so hurt in all my life. And now with Barry, whenever i think of being with him in a more... full on way... i just go back there, to that moment. I keep waiting for him to rip my heart out. And i just can’t... i can’t deal with it.”  
He was openly crying now, and he threw his arm over his eyes.  
“Dan, fuck man. You didn’t deserve that.” Arin’s voice sounded thick. Dan dropped his arm to look at his friend and saw that his eyes were filled with tears too.   
“Aw shit, don’t start too. We’re big manly men who don’t cry.” Dan tried to joke.  
Arin cleared his throat and then laughed. “yeah, heap big men crying over romance shit. Gah.” He sniffed. “Look, Dan, i don’t know what’s going to happen in the future, but i think you and Barry are stronger than your past shit. And that girl needed to be kicked up the ass. I can’t believe she rejected you just for being bi.”  
Bi... The word stuck in Dan’s head and seemed to float there for a second. Clarity shone, fast and clear. It was like the answer to a prayer he didn’t even know he’d had.  
“Arin, you’re a fucking genius, has anyone told you that?” Dan scrubbed a hand down his face. How had it never fucking occurred to him before? He knew he wasn’t gay, but he also knew he wasn’t straight. He felt giddy. “I’m bisexual. I’m fucking bisexual. How did i not know this?”  
Arin laughed at the sheer wonderment in Dan’s voice.  
“What can i say dude, when i’m right, i’m right.” He patted Dan on the shoulder. “And now sweet, Bisexual Danny, i think you need to go home to your boyfriend and have this talk with him.” Dan nodded slowly. He could do this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys, i can't believe i have actual fans and people begging me to hurry up and post the next part! This is all so overwhelmingly awesome and cool for me. Thank you for commenting and encouraging me to continue with this :)


	8. The light

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're getting towards the end of the story guys!

Barry nearly jumped out of his skin when Dan burst into his room. He was grinning wildly as he climbed onto the bed next to him.  
“Dan, what’s got you so happy?” He took his headphones off and before he could put them down he was enveloped in a gigantic hug.  
“Bar, Arin worked it all out, I’m fucking bi and it’s all ok! I’m so fucking happy!” as if to demonstrate he latched onto Barry’s lips and proceeded to kiss the life out of him.  
When he finally stopped a couple of minutes later, Barry couldn’t help but laugh. “Well, i figured you weren’t exactly straight since you’ve been doing some pretty sexy stuff with me.” He stroked Dan’s face, pleased to see the sheer joy there. Then his heart sank. “uh.. Dan...”  
“Yeah Bar babe?” Danny was cuddling into his side, fiddling with the headphone wire and seemed unconcerned.   
“Did you just say Arin?”  
“Yeah...” His happy voice dropped a few octaves as he registered the concern. “He kinda figured out about us. And that i was freaking pretty badly about this afternoon...” Dan suddenly flushed. “Oh shit, i totally didn’t realise that he said he’d heard us in the bathroom.”  
Barry’s eyes felt like they were going to pop out of his head.  
“He heard us-- wait, more importantly, you were freaking out? Oh god Dan, i’m so sorry, i said i wouldn’t push you and then i spring that on-”  
“Bar, shut up.” He kissed him, hard. “It wasn’t you, it was me. I know we haven’t spoken about it but... i think it’s time you knew.” Dan grabbed his hand and settled into a sitting position. Barry listened patiently as he told him the whole story of his girlfriend rejecting him, and how he’d always suppressed his feelings of attraction to guys.   
“But.. there’s something i’ve never told anyone else. You know how i told that story on Grumps about me getting OCD?” Barry nodded. “Well the parts i didn’t tell was that i started hurting myself to feel like i had some control, any control.” He pulled off his shirt and showed Barry where he’d scratched himself earlier. “What you saw that night, with the wax... yeah it’s partially a kink, but it’s a way of making me feel... centered. When i start panicking, it makes me feel calmer. The pain gives me a rush, and i feel... powerful. I never talk about it. And to be honest i don’t even fully know why i do it sometimes. It just... everything piles on me until i feel like i can’t breathe and the only thing i can do to stop that is to punish myself somehow.” Barry lifted his arm and kissed the scratches gently. “And i guess the thought of being so uncontrollably in love with you triggered that old need. Ever since she left me, i’ve pulled away before i’ve gotten this far in... i just can’t handle the thought that you might leave me over this. It’s so stupid and i know it is, it, i just-” Barry cut off the rambling with a kiss.  
“Dan, i love you. I did some research into the whole thing after we started being together. I kinda guessed it was a self harm thing and... i’m here, you know? I’m not going to leave. I could never leave you, you’re like a part of my fucking soul.” Dan laughed and hugged him tight.  
“I can’t believe i’ve been so stupid over all this. I’m so sorry Barry.” He stroked Dan’s hair, feeling the tightness in his own chest ease.  
“You just had to figure some things out. And i’m glad you have. I love you Dan, and i’m glad you finally felt safe enough to tell me.” They cuddled together for a few minutes.  
“I can’t believe Arin heard us though, that’s just fucking wrong.” They both burst out laughing.

**

It was a few hours later when Dan finally got up the courage to ask. “Bar.”   
“Yeah?” he glanced over.   
“How come none of this ever freaked you out? After that first night, i mean.” Barry put his laptop to one side and seemed to be considering the question. Dan got up from his own seat and sat down next to him.   
“To be honest, i’ve kinda always had the hots for you...” he took a strand of Dan’s hair and played with it. “And i’ve been jacking off to your singing voice for a pretty long time. It sort of occurred to me that i might not be entirely straight somewhere around the tenth time it happened.” He laughed and Dan grinned at him. “And i guess i’ve always been pretty open about what life throws at me. I knew i was lonely for a long time, i knew i had some kind of weird sexual attraction to you, though god knows why.” Dan pulled a face at him and he kissed him. “And i guess i knew i loved you as more than a friend for a long time too. And when you walked in on me... Well. I think it all hit me. And you accepted it.” Barry shrugged, “It seemed only natural that i should accept it too. And then when i realised you might feel the same way... i wanted to try. I couldn’t live with the thought that i might never know if there was something between us.”  
“I’m glad you did. I feel like a weight has been lifted from me. And i’m so sorry for holding back...”   
“Dan, it’s ok. We’re together, we’re happy. I’m happy.” The cuddled together and Dan sighed with happiness. He knew that Barry would be ok with them never taking it any further than this. Cuddles at home, mutual masturbation when the mood hit them... Barry would be content with just that. But Dan knew he wanted more... and he knew that Barry wanted more too. Could he do it?   
He let the thought roll around his mind for a while, feeling himself growing hard in his jeans. Yeah, he could. 

**

“I want to return the favour.” Barry did a double take.  
“What?”  
“I want to return the favour. I... i think i’m ok with it.” Dan slid off the couch to kneel before him.  
“Dan, wait, you don’t have to-”  
“No, but i want to.” There was a confidence in his tone that hadn’t been there before. This was the Danny Sexbang the girls swooned over in music videos.   
“Da-” Before he could finish his protest, Dan was unbuttoning his jeans, pulling his semi hard cock out.   
“Shh, just let me do this, ok?” He worked him with his hand, staring up at him with needy eyes. Barry couldn’t deny him. He nodded slowly and before he could take a breath to say ok, Dan’s mouth was on his dick.  
“Oh god, Dan!” He yelped as Dan’s lips somehow took him fully inside, he could feel himself growing fully hard and Dan hummed as he pulled back. “shiiiit.”  
He fisted his hand in Dan’s hair, half wanting to pump into his hot mouth, half wanting to pull him off.   
He threw his head back and let Dan’s mouth work its magic. 

**

Dan sucked hard, working his way up and down Barry’s shaft. It felt right to be here. He liked chasing the sensations that made Barry groan the loudest and spent a few minutes learning what made his lover tick. He worked the head with his mouth, tonguing the sensitive tip while he stroked up with his hand to meet his mouth. He took him as deep as he could and hummed, feeling a flush of pleasure as Barry practically jumped off the sofa. He could feel the pulsing heat on his tongue and the tightening of Barry’s balls. He knew the signs, knew he was close. He closed his eyes and worked him, building the rhythm up to a frenzy as he sucked and hummed. Barry was crying out almost uncontrollably, pulling hard on his hair. With a twitch Dan felt the hot cum fill his mouth and he struggled to swallow it all. It wasn’t as bad as he expected, salty with a hint of familiar taste.   
“God, Dan, that was... holy shit.” Dan licked the last drop of cum off Barry’s dick and watched him shudder.  
“You’re so fucking hot when you come.” His voice was husky.   
“I never... i thought... wow.” Barry slowly pulled his hand out of Dan’s hair and pushed his own off his face. Dan rested his face on Barry’s thigh, watching him regain his composure.  
He was aware of his own rock hard erection pressing into his jeans and he shifted uncomfortably.  
“Bar... you said you’d be ok with never doing anything else but...” Dan fought his old impulses for a second. “Can you just... This sounds super fucking weird but can you just pull on my hair while i say this please?” Barry frowned a little but plunge one hand into his hair and yanked. The pain/pleasure shot through him and he groaned. Closing his eyes and taking a deep breath, he opened his heart. “I want you to fuck me. No. Not fuck... i want you to make love to me.”  
There was a long moment of silence until all Dan could hear was his heart. The soul crushing despair snuck out of his chest and wrapped itself around his throat. He started to turn away, to hide but there was a tug on his hair. His eyes flew open. Barry had tears in his eyes.  
“Dan...” his voice was barely above a whisper. “You... you’re sure?”   
He knew! He knew what it meant to ask that. “God yes.”

**

Barry felt the tears well up in his eyes as Dan laid himself open. He knew what it must have cost him to ask that, to surrender the iron clad control he kept so fiercely. He pulled on Dan’s hair, pulling him up for a kiss. Dan melted into his lap, their lips dancing over each other.  
“Dan, i never... i never expected that you’d want this. God, i love you so fucking much.” He pulled him close, pouring his love into the embrace.  
“I love you too Barry. I don’t want to be scared anymore. I don’t want to lose you.”   
“You could never lose me.” Barry sighed into his neck. “You’re in my fucking heart and i’m never letting you go.” He kissed him one last time and pulled back. “Come on.” They got up and Dan led them into the bedroom.


	9. Part the last

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dunion rings

They helped take each other’s clothes off until they stood naked and eager. They embraced in a fury, tongues tangling in a hungry kiss. Barry ran his hands down Dan’s naked back to cup his ass, pulling him in close. They both groaned as their dicks pressed against each other.  
“I want you so fucking badly, Bar. I’ve been wanting it longer than i dared to admit, even to myself.” Barry nibbled at his neck, humming in agreement. They stumbled to the bed and broke apart only long enough to clamber on. Dan stretched out on his back and Barry kissed his way up his body. He nipped him here and there knowing that it would drive him wild.  
“God, Bar, i’m not going to last long if you keep that up-” He broke off with a gasp when Barry tongued one nipple, running his hand through the sparse chest hair. With a half wild growl Dan pulled him up and kissed him all over his face. Barry laughed at the frenzy before meeting his lips with his own.  
They kissed until they were breathless and Barry reluctantly pulled back, sitting up so he straddled Dan’s legs. His erection thrust out in front of him, already wet with precum. “are you absolutely sure?”  
Dan nodded, biting his lower lips. God, he was so fucking hot. “Ok then.” Barry reached over to the bedside table and fumbled in the top draw, retrieving lube and condoms. Dan grabbed his wrist. “Bar, uh.. can we...” he flushed. “Can we not use protection the first time? I want to feel you inside of me.” Barry’s cock twitched at the thought and he threw the condoms over his shoulder with a laugh.  
“Fuck yeah we can.”

**

Dan could feel himself tensing just a tiny bit as Barry flipped open the lube and spread some onto his fingers. He’d had some girls play with his ass before, and he knew it would feel ok with a finger but... Barry’s thick cock was a lot bigger. Barry glanced up and his face softened. “Dan, if you’re not ready...”  
“No, i’m just... It sounds so fucking cliché but i have no idea how that is going to fit inside of me.” He waved a hand at Barry’s dick and flushed, throwing a arm over his face to hide. “I feel like i’m a fucking virgin again.”  
Barry laughed, “Technically you are. It’s ok, i’ve... i’ve read up on it.” Dan lifted his arm and grinned at Barry.  
“Just in case?” It was Barry’s turn to blush. He nodded slowly.  
“Yeah, just in case.” Dan laughed.  
“You are so adorable.” He was relaxed again, knowing Barry would take care of him. “i guess it’s time to put your research into practice.”  
Barry nodded again and tossed the lube onto the bed beside him. Carefully, he slid his finger between Dan’s ass cheeks. The cold liquid made him squirm, and he quickly realised that it would be impossible for Barry to get anything inside him at that angle. Barry apparently realised the same thing and they giggled as they rearranged themselves. Dan spread his legs, tilting his ass up slightly and Barry stuffed a pillow under him. Barry knelt between his open legs, and leant down to kiss him on his hip bone.  
As he worked his way closer to his dick, he slid his slick finger around the tight ring of his ass hole. His finger entered his ass at the same time as he took Dan’s dick into his mouth and Dan cried out in pleasure. It was a familiar sensation, and he relaxed into the probing. Barry moved his head and finger together, slowly speeding up. Soon Dan was wriggling on the bed, it felt so fucking good. Barry’s beard tickled his thigh as he pulled back slightly. They locked eyes as Barry deliberately curled his finger.  
“Fuck! What was that?” Barry grinned in triumph.  
“That was why people enjoy anal.” He flicked his fingers - when had he slid a second one in? - over the spot again and Dan arched off the bed.  
“never stop doing that,” he managed to gasp out. He heard the click of the top of the lube and glanced down to see Barry smearing some more on his hand. He pulled out for a second and there was a pulling sensation. Dan tensed, it was a stretchy kind of hurt and he wasn’t sure they would go in at all.  
“Shh, Dan, just relax. I’ve got you.” Barry grabbed his dick with his spare hand and worked him up and down. The pleasure soon overrode the hint of pain and he relaxed into the feelings. He felt full, and it was fucking amazing every time Barry hit that sweet spot inside his ass. The sensations changed and he could feel Barry spreading his fingers inside of him, working him open. “you’re almost ready...” Barry was biting down on his lip in concentration. Dan drank in the sight of him, committing it to memory.  
“I’m ready.” And he was. This was what he’d been running from for so long and he couldn’t think of a single reason why. He loved Barry more than life itself and it was only right to be with him this way. The lube came out again and Barry slicked himself with it. He moved forward, the tip just pressing against his ass, barely entering. He leant forward, crowding him into the bed with kisses.  
“God i hope i last, i want this to be so good for you.” He kissed down Dan’s neck but still he hesitated. Dan grabbed his lovers ass and pulled. They both shouted as Barry slid straight inside to the hilt.  
“you’re so fucking tight!” Dan was too busy feeling to reply. His chest was bursting with happiness. He felt.... complete.  
They kissed furiously, Barry tangling his hand in Dan’s hair, the other braced on his hip.  
“I want to fuck you into this bed so you can’t move for a week.” His voice was deep and husky with barely controlled passion.  
“Bar, if you don’t fuck me soon i think i’m going to die from pleasure overdose.” He dug his fingers into Barry’s ass, squeezing as he tried to get his lover to move.  
Slowly, Barry slid almost fully out, before thrusting deep inside. It was a slow torturous pleasure and Dan moaned, bucking his hips to try and get Barry to move faster. Barry was biting down on his lower lip, sweat glistening on his forehead, but he kept up the slow pace, waiting for Dan’s body to adjust to the invasion.  
Dan palmed his dick, moving his hand in time with Barry’s thrusts. He squeezed his ass muscles and Barry moaned. “Dan, god Dan, that feel so fucking good.” He lifted one leg, pushing him further open and somehow managed to get deeper. It felt like he had gained five inches and was using every one of them to stroke the tight bundle of nerves inside of his ass.  
“Barry, i swear, i’m not gonna break...”  
“I might, shit, you’re so fucking good on my cock.” He thrust in, two quick pumps, panting with the effort, “I swear i’m about to come any second, you’re so fucking amazing.”  
Dan grinned and met him half way, pushing up into every movement. Barry’s thrust grew faster and Dan knew he was almost at his breaking point... if he could just push him over the edge.  
With a flash of inspiration, Dan started singing. It was ragged and out of tune but Barry froze for one full second, before letting out a ball tightening groan.  
“You fucking bastard.” He pushed both of Dan’s legs up, pulling one half over his shoulder and slammed into him. Dan’s breath caught in his throat, the tune dying on his lips as he got thoroughly fucked. Barry pounded into him, the slap of flesh on flesh filled the room and Dan could only grab the bed an hold on. Within seconds he was shouting his climax, his orgasm ripping through him as Barry demolished his ass with powerful thrusts.  
“Fuck, Dan, fuuuck.” He felt the warm heat hit him deep inside and knew what heaven looked like. Barry’s face was completely slack with pleasure, and he could feel his dick twitching even as he struggled to breathe.  
A second later, Barry collapsed onto his chest and Dan wrapped his long arms around him, shifting his legs so he was cradled between them.  
“I love you Bar bear.” He whispered, “I’m so fucking glad i walked in on you.”  
“I love you too you crazy fucking rock star.” They snuggled, heedless of the sticky mess between them. “If i’d known it would have ended up like this, i’d have jerked off in front of you months ago.” Dan laughed and kissed the top of his head, his eyes slowly closing as they drifted off to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think i might visit these guys again some time.
> 
> I just want to give a MASSIVE thank you to everyone who read this. It's been amazing to have such great feedback and have people actively following and waiting for the next bit. It's been a really long time since i had confidence in my writing and having your reactions has totally made my week. So thank you, truly, you have no idea how much this means to me.


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